i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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