filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
