You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
