A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
