This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I didn't notice because vodka
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
