what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
