they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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