You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
