I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
