Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
