I hate your face
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize