Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
