All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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