So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
