dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm at about main and main street
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
