I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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