I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
