I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
