I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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