I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize