Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize