I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
