God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
This baby is an asshole
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize