I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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