Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
