Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
