I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
