True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
