He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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