no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
