yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
