she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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