pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
