when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
