Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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