life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
