He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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