dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
