Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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