apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
