Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
