Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
