My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
