i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
