Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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