he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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