i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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