now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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