I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
