Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize