You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Less talking, more tequila
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
