I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
