No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
