I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
