..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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