I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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