Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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