You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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