that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
don't judge my taste in strippers
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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