READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
is wine microwaveable?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
