You smell like stripper and shame
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
