mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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