i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
