you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
