Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
