I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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