Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
