i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
