My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
