the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize