I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
