Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Randomize
