therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You were trust falling into bushes
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize