You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
