I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
