She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
