My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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