i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
