There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize