I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
