guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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