I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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