your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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