Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
