Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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