Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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