Where did you get a picture of my penis
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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