I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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