you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize