please come you make the beer taste better
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
