i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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